Progress....

I wonder...

Some people mistake activity for progress....
Yet you can go around in circles and still go nowhere...
Or, you can just stay in place, and advance yourself in another method..
The mental n spirit method...
You change ur mental n spirit method...

I'm not claiming I found religion..
Lord no..
What I found is realization..
Of how ignorant I am..
Despite of this so called 'vast' pool of knowledge people say I have..
Knowledge is not Understanding..
Did I not mention that in my previous posts??

I'm trying to fulfill my responsibilities as a Moslem...
I'm fulfilling my responsibilities as a working adult..
And to be honest, I prefer working to studying full time....
Work.. We're allowed to make jokes at work.. We're allowed to interact at work..
The condition... Get ur bloody job done..
Not so with studying....
I'm tired of the fact that in studying, you can't have fun even when the job is done..
No.. Not so...

Ok, I see some of you shaking your heads...
Disagree??
I don't mind... Point of views differ..
Thats why they call it point of views..
Different points lor....
Heh.....

Besides..... 1 n a half year of studying....
24/7 study... If somebody wanna take credit for ruining my teenage experience....
Go ahead.... Like I bloody gonna name ya...
But then, I know you people will be stung... Regardless of names...
Coz I remember when I asked 'Why?' in past posts, u guys asked me...
Heh...
Too bad, that post was targeted generally....
Not my fault if you guys jumped and let the arrow hit you...

And now..
We have some events in the political industry..
I said industry coz most people in politics nowadays is looking for ways to fill their pockets..
Either directly or indirectly ie: relatives,friends....
I wonder...
4 years only after our old Tun Dr M retired, n we have this??

Haih....I'm looking for improvements..
In me..
In my country..
Yet,
I see instability in the horizon...

We'll see....
And I pray we won't all suffer in the future..
I already heard rumors of Malaysian economy's possible downturn....
Lets just hope it stays as a rumor n won't come true..
I wanna live in Malaysia..
Not another Indonesia..




The Fallen...
Signing off

Sweet Dreams....

Mysterious girl....
Who are you??
You came into my dreams..
You whispered sweet promises..


Sweet maiden....
Where art thou??
Thou hast stoleth me heart..
Thou hath me addicted to thee..


Beautiful lass....
Whats your origin??
Your full lips mesmerize me..
Your lovely emerald eyes enthrall..
Your golden tresses entices me with their silkiness..


Elegant lady....
Whats your breeding??
Your poise interests me..
Your stature impresses me..
Your sureness calls to me..


Sensous siren....
Your full bosom fans my desire..
Your shapely hips stir my loins..
Your smooth skin makes my blood runs..
Your sweet nectar tastes sweet to me..
Your lying in my arms entwines me around your fingers..


Shadowy mirage....
I wake to discover you're gone..
I wake to emptiness..
I wake to bitter ash..


Yet..
I wake to a new day..
Full of hope..
And Spirit..
Thanks to thee, sweet maiden.....









The Fallen...
signing off

Sweet Sin....

Oh how enthralled I am...
Your smooth skin...
Your sensual curves...
Your delectable flesh...
I can spend hours observing...


The feel of sliding skin...
The sensation of quickening breath...
The sense of accelerating pulse...
The panting of hunger...
Oh how hypnotic....


I relish your sweat...
I love your sweetness...
I crave your scent...
I feast on your passion...
Oh how satisfying....


The sensous motion of love...
Such an exciting exercise...
Such a simple exhibition...
Such deep consequences...
Oh how dangerous...


The motions...
Accompanied by moisture...
Accompanied by lust...
Accompanied by ascending volume...
Oh how delicious...


Sweet...
Sweet...
Sweet...
Sinfully sweet...
Oh how damning...





P/s : I wonder what reaction will I get for this??
Its fairly steamy ya know....





The Fallen...
signing off

Bitter Medicine..

Love....

Is such a strange thing....
How it empowers you....
How it weakens you....

I bet most of you know of this feeling....

I wonder.....

I have been a jerk....
I had a jewel....
And I let her slip out of my hands....
All for the sake for glass....



Yet.....
What has been done cannot be undone..
I realize this....
Yet.....
I reject this fact...
Much to my detriment....


I cannot say how much I love her still....
That is no longer my place nor my right....
My loss......
Is totally my own fault....
Oh how it hurts....
To must stand and watch from afar...
To know the need to move on, but to have your feet rooted to the ground....


For now I dare not enter another relationship....
I would be shadowed by memories....
I would be shadowed by recollections....
And worst of all...... I will not be fair....


My heart is still chained...
My heart is still locked....


Will these manacles ever be broken??

I fear the answer......

For I have made a stupid promise to myself in the past....


One woman...
One love....




The Fallen...
signing off

Visibility......

I look at you..
All I see is bubbles..
Bubbles hiding your body..
Hiding your beauty..

I look at you..
The less I see..
The more excited I become..
The more desire overtakes me..

I look at you..
my desire suffuse me..
Amorous lust fills me..
Hunger calls to me..

I look at you..
My body trembles..
My blood quickens..
Breathing becomes a chore..

I look at you..
Realization overcomes..
Reality strikes..
For you are only a bubble of the past..





The Fallen...
signing off

Report....

Another week..

Same routine...

Oh..
I found out that one of my route to education is closed her...
No biggie....
There's always another road....
After all, life is a jungle...
We carve the way ourselves....
Sometimes we can get easier by following roads already established...
Sometimes, we need to find the way ourselves....
So, I'll continue to hack and slash my way through life....

Oh, so you guys know, for now I'm limited to updating this blog on a weekly basis...
If u guys want daily basis, wait till I get back my PC n install an internet connection...

Heh,
Thanks for liking the poem Desires...

I was inspired to write that after reading the manga Sensual Phrase..
heh...
Nowadays I spend my time reading manga online...
At http://www.onemanga.com/....

I wonder..... What would happen If I were to write an erotic story...
Ya know, the types like 'Mills and Boons' publishes...
heh..... Will I get shot??
This is Malaysia after all....

Honestly..
I'm bored of not exercising my mind....
Even games are freaking easy nowadays....
So writing some story should be fun..
Particularly erotic ones... Hehehe......



p/s: the erotic stories inspiration came from reading a
'particular' erotic literature site.... hehehe


The Fallen..
signing off

Work..

I'm working now...
In perlis..
As a waiter...
Or more correctly,
"Pelayan"
....
They're not the same....

Waiter implies class....
And my work definitely doesn't have class...
Yet... I'm content..
Its 'halal'....
And It leaves me time to think...
Time to enjoy..
Time to introspect..


Its just a normal 'warung'..
The owner or my boss are...
Bang Chop n Kak Syikin....
They're nice people....
Kind.... Willing to overlook my craziness..
And I can assure you my craziness came out in
full bloom this past week....

I got it through my old school friend Razi....
Helpful guy.. Loyal to friend... With flaws...
But I'm willing to overlook em......
I met all sorts of people here....
From nice to downright rude....

But, the work sure leaves me tired...
When i get home, I hit the bed... Not to sleep..
But to rest my back....

Thats all for now...
Will b updating again...




The Fallen...
signing off

What I want...

What I want in life...
I wonder...
I have never thought bout that....

Ok, amend that..
I've thought bout it..
But pushed it to the small corner in my mind..
I'm 20 already...
What are my aims??
Where do I see myself in 5 years time?? 10 Years?? 15?? 25??
really....

Love??
Money??
Values??
Self respect??
Fame??
Knowledge??

Maybe...
No.. I should..
give some serious thought on it....
Weird to say.. But this past week is kinda therapeutic...
Losing myself in work....
Thinking in my free time....
No worries....
And people expectations be damned....

In this world which is increasingly becoming cert dependant,
I'm at a disadvantage..
I'm aware of that......
Yet, all I want for now is to get some peace of mind....
Earn some money...

And just... Be content...



The Fallen...
signing off

Desires.....

I lay awake at night...
Missing you..
The pain a knife slicing my heart..
Yet, my heart heals with each slice..
For that, I'm crushed

My body craving for you...
The hunger gnawing my mind....
My head aching from thinking....
Yet, my mind recovers from each strike...
For that, I'm empty

I miss the softness....
The tenderness...
The deliciousness...
Yet, I taste bitterness now...
For that, I'm disillusioned

Lust....
Consumes me....
Burns me up...
Yet, reality is like cold water....
For that, I'm dry

Your curves..
Tantalizes with their memories..
Seduces with their smoothness..
Yet, I'm squared against reality..
For that, I'm sorrowed

Your smile...
They tease me with their sweetness..
They burned into my mind....
Yet, that special smile is no longer mine..
For that, I'm sad




Heh...
People are SOOOO gonna brand me a pervert..


The Fallen...
signing off

Starting Over

I wonder.....

How have I got back to this spot??
By this I mean the loser spot..

The only thing different is the position..
Yet, the status is still the same..
I wonder..

Losing in love..
Losing in life..

God...

Such pain....

And to start all over again...

Yet...
I must...

For that is life...

Each pain.... Makes...
OR more precisely, FORCES us to grow......

Yet... I can't help wishing to stay not grown..

Ah..
Dreams..


The Fallen...
signing off...

Falling..... And Fighting....

I'm currently cured of the bout of depression that inflicted me few weeks ago...

I have a new goal in life....
To fight...
To resist..
To survive...


All the people in the world might be pushing me down....
But this particular cat ain't going down that hole without biting..
So.. Push all u want.... I'm fighting.....
And if you're offended..
Well....

FUCK OFF...

Enough with your expectations..
How bout we do it my way now?
And if not??
Too bad....

Yes... I'm pissed...
I'm using that to focus...
After all, sometimes we have to survive on sheer cussedness....

I won't be airing my aims or target or desires anymore...
After some instropection and rethinking of my position,
it sounds like a poser....
Therefore, what I do or want or plan is entirely up to my discretion to reveal..

All in good time...
1 exception... My mum knows... Simply coz I want her blessing...
Might be stupid to some....
But I personally believe without her blessings Its no point...

Thats that...

The Fallen..
signing off.......

Drifting away.....

I find that we've drifted away...
Maybe its just me...


I feel weird...
I feel alone...
I feel left out...

Is it my fault for not paying attention??
Is it my fault to be burdened??

I wonder...

I notice things changing ever since he came into the picture...

Is it just me??
Is it just paranoia??

I wonder...

I feel distant...

Is this distance of my own making??

Maybe so...

And yet......

I can't help but fretting....
I can't help but worrying....


But it's no use now...
Coz you're so distant now...

Let go... And Take hold

Letting go...

Such a painful move..
Such a drastic action..

Yet...
Sometimes..

You need to let go......
You need to release....
You need to open your hands...


And after letting go...
Take hold....
Take Control...



Taking hold doesn't meant holding on...
Maybe I've holding on too long...
Maybe too much...
Maybe too strong...

And like water, it leaks out of my fingers....



Maybe I'm too unsure..

I wonder.....